What was lost
by verona144116
Summary: What happened after the painful event in CoLS.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, cause believe me, if I do, what happened to Malec in CoLS would never have happened.

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This is it. Alec's life is over as the only thing that ever kept him alive walked away from him. 'Mag...Magnus...don't...don't do this to me.' he whispered, eyes staring longingly after the warlock's lone figure. Wishing all he might that he'll turn back, just this once. When he will look at him once again, and that's all he needed. One last look at his spiked hair, cat like eyes that stared into his soul for so many times. The plush lips that gave him his first kiss, a kiss he'll never forget. He didn't see the tears falling from the warlocks eyes, no. Magnus won't let anyone see.

No one could know that there is nothing he wanted more than running back to Alec and have that frail boy back in his arms, where it's safe and warm._ Stupid warlock_, the voice inside his head said,_ you just walked away from the only creature you've truly loved in 800 years, the best thing that ever happened to you_. But he couldn't turn back. He couldn't because the same time that Alec has brought him joy and made him feel alive that no one ever would, he hurt him. Betrayed his trust, while trying to make him mortal without telling him. Granted, he didn't succeed, but the damage is done. He couldn't trust him ever again. How are you suppose to stay with someone when you can't trust them? _Maybe we can_, the voice sound again,_ maybe we can overcome this_. He tried his hardest to make the thought go away, but if he's honest, that's all he cold think about on his way home. He flopped on his bed once he got home, a home without Alec. Ready for a sleepless night. _I miss you, Alec._

_God, I can't sleep without him_, Alec thought. _Why am I so stupid why did I do that why_. He kept thinking over and over again while tears streamed down his face. He went into the shower, trying to clear his head. He was grabbing for a towel when he realized he hadn't brought one in. He shouted with instinct 'Magnus, can you please bring me a towel?' but then he realized, there would be no answer. No one would ever answer him now. He started sobbing, letting the water wash away his tear stains.

Magnus hastily rubbed away the tear tracks on his face, ready to cover his face with a layer of foundation. He put on his usual make up, ready for the day when he shouted towards his room 'Alexander, love, how do I look?' he kept waiting when he finally realize there will be no one coming through that door, telling him he looked gorgeous even without make up on. He sat down on the cold tile floor while clutching his heart. While the tears can be easily hidden, there'll be nothing. Nothing in the world that could fill that emptiness, heal the gash and close the wound that Alexander Lightwood that ever made in his heart.

There came the millionth knock, this time the voice belongs to Clary, not any of his siblings, whom Alec knew were extremely worried about him; but he just couldn't handle it right now, couldn't bear telling them what happened. He knew that if he does, it'll be like reliving the moment once again, and that, is what he could not bear. Alec liked Clary once he realized he's not in love with Jace and instead Magnus. Yes, breaking up doesn't mean he stopped loving him. And he never will. 'Alec?' Cary's soft voice came through the door. 'Can I come in?' the concern was clear in his voice. Alec put on a shirt and reluctantly opened the door. From Clary's gasp and her slightly horrified face, the boy is sure that he looked like crap. Well more than he usually does. He led her into the room and stood in front of the window, looking at the people oblivious to the existence of the institute and people inside it. 'What do you want' he gruffed. He is not ready to go out and party or whatever it is that they want him to do.  
'I'm just checking to see if you're ok. None of us have seen you since you came back. Jace and Issy got worried when they hear you crying, what's wrong? Another fight with Magnus?' Alec gave the girl a humorless laugh.  
'There won't be any fights anymore clary. We...we broke up.'  
He closed his eyes and sighed. Clary gasped once again, she simply couldn't believe it.  
'But...but you guys were... What has he done I'm sure it's not that bad to cause a break up. Tell me Alec.' she pleaded softly.  
'It's not his fault, its mine ok? Don't blame him. He has done nothing but gave me strength, supporting me whenever I need it. He's nothing but perfect. Tell me Clary, how did I ever deserve him. Look at me; I'm here crying uselessly when he's probably having another party for his new freedom. How can he ever fall in love with a coward like me?! A life without me in it, finally.' He murmured.  
Clary cannot stand the pain in the boy's eyes. Ones that shines whenever he talked about the warlock. 'I'm sure it's not like that.' She affirmed. 'What's not?'

'You're not a coward Alec, you're one of the bravest people I know. And Magnus is definitely not partying or having any kind of fun at all. He would be as miserable as you are right now.' seh spoke with a confidence tone. 'H...how do you know? He's the one who broke up with me.' Alec tried his very hardest not to sound bitter.  
'Because, I may not know much about Magnus past or Magnus at all. But I can tell Alec. I can tell that when he looks at you, you'd thought you're the best gift ever given to him. He loves you. He loves you so much that right now, he's wallowing the same time as you do.' She stood up and left the room after she made that speech, leaving the words,**_ he loves you, he loves you Alec_**, echoing inside the room and the boy's head.

'Stop trying to make me pet you.' Magnus hissed at his cat. 'That's Alec's thing. And now he's gone. Yes you heard me mister. He's never coming back because I, The guy who feed you and clean your litter box, yes me. Broke up with him. So he hates me. And he probably hates you too. Because you're mine. So get that in your head right now.' Chairman, however magical that he may be, is not listening, and keep grinding against the warlocks chest, begging for a bit of affection. 'Really?! You're not giving up? Ok, if you miss him so much, go see him yourself. You know the way.' He's again comfortable when his cat finally stopped. And then comes dinner time and the cat is nowhere to be found, Magnus even searched under his bloody bed. Chairman never misses on dinner 'Chairman? Chairman meow? Honey? Where are you it's dinner time!' Then he realized his front door is slightly ajar. He did run off. Ran off to Alec. _Great_, he thought in his head sarcastically,_ my cat loves Alec more than he loves me. And he's smart enough to go to the place where he likes. Just fabulous._

Alec heard a meow that definitely did not come from Church, who's sound asleep in his lap. Then he saw where the noises come from. 'Chairman?!' he exclaimed. 'Wh..What how did you even find your way here? Who let you in?!' After getting over the initial shock, Alec soon realized what this could mean. 'Is Magnus ok? Is...Is he...' He could not bring himself to finish that sentence_ is he dead?_ The question echoed inside his head. No, no, no. He couldn't be. He must've felt it if he is. And there's no reason for him to kill himself now, not after years after years of heartbreak. _Trivial_, Alec had to remind himself, I'm nothing but trivial, one of the many lovers Magnus had had and if the last ten billion didn't kill Magnus, certainly a shadowhunter cannot harm the warlock._ So why is chairman here?_ He picked the cat up and stared into his eyes, as soon as he realized how ridiculous he looked, he quickly put the cat down again._ How silly of me, I expected to find the answer by having a staring contest with a cat._ The movement woke Church and as soon he spotted the other cat they both started hissing at each other. In fear that Chairman is going to get hurt, 'cause no offense, but Church is one hell of an aggressive cat, Alec picked him up and put him on his bed. Church just raised his head and left the room with his head held high. He looked at Chairman who looked perfectly comfortable on his bed and once Alec is sure that the cat has no sign of leaving his little area, he went to get changed and ready for bed. Sure enough, the cat is still there when he returned and even if it's a poor substitution of who Alec normally have in bed with him, he climbed into bed with the feline, a painful reminder of what he had lost and shall never be found again.

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AN: Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know how I did, it's the first time I write for this fandom. xx


	2. Chapter 2

_Blood. Blood everywhere. _Alec is lying lifelessly on the floor, with a deep gash across his broad chest. His blue eyes that Magnus love so dearly has lost its shine, and now they are nothing, but blue orbs on a once lively Shadowhunter. Magnus raised his hands to the sky and screamed. All he saw was red, his hands are stained with blood. _He killed Alec. _

Magnus woke with a start, panting with beads of sweat trail their way down to his neck. He's been having bad dreams ever since Chairman left; not just any nightmare, but nightmares where Alec is harmed or worse, _dead. _ He tried not to think about them, to think that they don't mean anything. But if the past 800 yeras taught him anything, these dreams meant _something. _Maybe Alec's in danger, maybe he's injured, maybe… He couldn't bear thinking of the possibilities. _Well, it's good that you broke up with him then, isn't it? Shadowhunters never live long; you'll only get your heart brokern, sooner or later, when he dies. _His heart throbbed with the painful thought, the thought that he could never see his lover, or ex-boyfriend again once death took him. He shook away his worries, or well, he tried to, and went back to sleep again.

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Alec woke to poundings on his door, Jace shouting, 'Alec, save me! Let me in!' Thinking his adopted brother might be in grave danger, Alec jumped out of his bed, ran and yanked the door open. Jace quickly dodged under his arm and hurried inside the room. _Weird, _Alec thought, _I haven't seen Jace that scared since forever. _'What is it? Jace? Is it the insti-' Before he could finish, he heard Izzy's voice carry through the door. A very suspiciously sweet Izzy. 'Hey Alec, have you seen Jace? Better yet, do you wanna come out?' At which Jace snickered, and quickly silenced by his brother's glare. 'What is it, Izzy? I'm not feeling, um, very well right now.' _Dammit. _Alec can never lie, especially to his little sister. 'Oh, shit, Alec I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it? I know first break ups are hard and…' 'IZZY SHUT UP' Jace shouted from his hiding spot once he realized Izzy misunderstood their brother's blatant lie. Said brother's face darkend, his beautiful eyes filled once again with sadness and longing. Jace and Izzy, who entered the room after realizing Jace was hiding in the room, hurried to his side and pulled him in a group hug. 'I never really give hugs but hey, anything for you Bro.' His sister shot him an irritated look while murmurling into Alec's shoulder, 'It's alright. It's alright. It's going to be fine. I don't care how long it takes, I just want you to be ok.'

Alec pulled away from the two, walked towards his bed and flopped on it, facing up. 'Hey, do you want us to leave…? That's ok if you do.' Izzy spoke softly, approaching his brother like you would with a hungry, fierce lion. When they were about to open the door, they heard a low mumble from Alec from the bed, 'Stay. Please.' He looked so lost, like a child without a home, that his siblings wasn't sure that it was them he was talking to. Both of them sat on the bed, with Alec between them. Soon, Alec put his arms around them and yanked them down, just like they would when they were kids. They didn't say anything; none of them did. They just stayed with their brother and stared at the ceiling; thinking. Perhaps, this is just what he needed right now.

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_God, I need coffee. Loads of it. _That was the first thought when Magnus woke up. Normally, he oculd just go back to sleep until he felt energised, but he has clients today. Clients with petty problems, but still. He remembered the days when he woke up and was excited about what was going to happen; but that was when...well, when Alec's still here. He get to save or heal whichever shadowhunter in the Institute if they happen to be in any grave danger. Which is worryingly often. He used to cherish the mornings that Alec didn't have to hunt demons and actually stayed in and spend the morning with Magnus. They would make breakfast together, or most often than not, brunch. Then, if Magnus is feeling merciful, he'll let Alec choose what he wanted to watch. They'll spend a lazy day together, cuddling on the couch or sometimes things that are a _bit_ less child-friendly. Thinking about Alec and his warmth hurts more than he would like to admit, especially when he's all alone with no one to cuddle with while complaining about the contestants on Project Runway that Alec hates so much, though he knew that the sahdowhunter secretly loved it. _Well, guess I'm alone to face another disastrous episode. _


End file.
